Leukemia's Link to Oil

Not an oil derrick
Located in Orcutt California where I once
lived a stone's throw from real ones.

I keep coming across the same statement: "exposure to some chemicals, such as benzene, increases the risk of leukemia".

So, how would someone even know if they had been exposed to benzene?

What is benzene?

If you look it up in wikipedia, there's a lot of blah, blah, blah mumbo jumbo.

But, here are a few comments I can relate to:

"Benzene is a natural constituent of crude oil, and is one of the most basic petrochemicals."

If I am not mistaken crude oil is the kind of oil that comes out of the ground. Right? You may not think you've ever been exposed to that because you are not working on any oil derricks.

But, wait... how about Kerosene. Any exposure there? I don't think many people use it on a regular basis, but I grew up in an age where it was available and used variously around the house. When the electricity went off we would light kerosene lamps. That meant pouring some directly into the lamps by handling the container the kerosene came in. When working out in the garage on his car, my father would wash his grimy hands with kerosene. My mother used kerosene to get the paint off the brushes she used to paint the walls. Guess what? I helped her, and washed the paint off my hands and brushes the same way. That is only an example and not any indication of my thinking this was the cause of my leukemia. Just an example of how we might be exposed to benzene and not realize it. The question still remains why did my parents not get leukemia and I did when we all had the same amount of exposure.

Petrochemicals, as mentioned above, are a bit more complicated to explain. Best way that I understand it, and this is NOT comprehensive, is that things that are made from crude oil are petrochemicals. So, it's kind of like taking a block of butter and melting it. You've changed it from a solid to a liquid. If you keep the burner on and the melted butter burns, then you have browned butter. If you keep cooking it, then you have a mess, which might flame up and cause smoke. So, you have taken a form of oil and changed it's "chemical" composition. Same thing with crude oil.

It's really quite incredible to realize all the things that can be made from crude oil. Of course, we all know gasoline comes from crude oil and this is a major concern for the world. Will we run out of it? Will there be enough to last us in the next generations? Will we go to war over the price of gas?

Some products created from petrochemicals you might be familiar with are:

Adhesives and sealants
Agricultural chemicals such as used for gardening.
Ammonia
Antifreeze
CD's DVD's
Construction chemicals
Cosmetics raw materials
Detergents (for laundry, dishes and other cleaning)
Dry cleaning solvent
Electronic materials
Epoxy, used in paints and glues
Food additives and flavorings
Fragrances
Inks, dyes and printing supplies
Nail polish remover (acetone)
Nylon
Packaging, bottles, and containers
Paint, coatings, and resins
Polyesters
PVC pipe
Rubber and plastics
Rubbing alcohol
Styrofoam
Surfactants and cleaning agents
Synthetic dyes

So, if you think you have never been "exposed" to benzene or petrochemicals, think again.

That being said, I wouldn't start going through the house and doing a major cleanse. You would have to move out into the forest somewhere to get away from all those things that are commonplace to us. And truly the forest has it's risk factors as well.

Truly, when it comes to exposures to chemicals which are carcinogenic and can cause leukemia, we have to look deeper. Are there any contaminated landfills near where you grew up, or nearby your home, school or work?

You might say no. But, to be sure, you would need to do some research. There are so many pieces of land that were once contaminated that have now been re-purposed. It behooves you to find out where they are in your community. I just remembered while writing this that I once lived in Orcutt, California where oil was discovered and drilled for right up to this day. I lived just over the hill from where they were doing the drilling and pumping of oil.

Don't just sit there and say there is nothing you can do about it. There are things you can do to lower your risk aside from moving away. Knowledge is power. Empower yourself.

Heart Stress Test

Elizabeth Munroz at 30-ish

When I was in my thirties, I had my first heart palpitations. I was in my eighth month of pregnancy. Due to heart disease running in my family, I went to the emergency room. There was a great deal of hustle and bustle by those taking care of me. I was hooked up to EKG and then given an IV bolus of Lidocaine. It made me feel really weird and I thought I might die. I said, "Save my baby! Please!" That's all I remember of that episode. It never happened again. I had a perfectly healthy baby and no more problems. Until a few years later. I was not pregnant then.

I went to the emergency room again. This time it was determined I had a blood clot in my leg. I had recently had surgery, so it was clever of the doctors to figure that out. I did not know what the difference was, or why having a blood clot would cause heart palpitations. I had previously had a blood clot after a surgery in the past I now understand that made me more susceptible,

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was drinking a great deal of herbal teas every day, in particular licorice root. Perhaps that was the cause. I look back and realize how lucky I was.. After I stopped messing around with herbal concoctions, the heart palpitations stopped.

The years passed and when I was just past fifty years, I had some scary serious chest pain. I had already had a few years of something similar which turned out to be gallbladder disease and stomach ulcers. So, I didn't think much of the chest pain except to wait it out. When I next visited my doctor, I told her about it, and suggested I might have an ulcer again. I had the requisite tests and I did not have an ulcer. Due to my history, not only of the things I mention above, but a lot more, she sent me to a cardiac clinic at Stanford University. I had a number of standard cardiac tests.

Elizabeth age 50's

Among them was a Cardiac Stress Test. This involves having EKG wires attached to your chest while you walk on a treadmill until your heart rate increases to a certain extent.The treadmill goes faster and faster and also goes unto a tilt to make it feel like you are climbing a hill. At the point where the technician decided I'd had enough, she had me quickly lie down and she did an ultrasound on my heart. It was beating very fast, skipping a bit, and I was out of breath. But, I returned to normal soon enough that I was not bothered. The biggest problem was my arthritis. I could barely walk down the hall and out to my car after that. Stanford is a very big institution! Plus, I had to drive home about sixty miles.

It was determined that "at some time in the past" I had a heart attack. I was incredulous! The doctor explained that it was possible to have a "silent" heart attack. The doctor said he saw scar tissue in my heart. After he retired and I went for a follow up to his replacement, she told me I never had a heart attack. By that time, I didn't care anymore and went on to live my life.

About the age of sixty, I had a severe episode of chest pain with sweating and couldn't catch my breath. I thought, "This is it. This is really it." A visit to the emergency room and admission to the hospital. Dismissal the next day after a local Cardiologist had determined I had not had a heart attack but perhaps some "angina". Therefore I became his patient and saw him every few months for follow up. At one point he ordered a stress test.

I explained what happened the last time I had one, the terrible pain in my joints and the decrease in my ability to walk well afterwards. So, the doctor told me it was okay. People who have arthritis like me can take a different kind of stress test, where a medicine is injected which makes your heart go through the same stress as if you had been walking, running and climbing. So, I went for the test.

It was a big mistake. I didn't mind that my heart sped up. I didn't mind that I got breathless, sweaty and nauseated. But, I did mind, tremendously, that I got the worst pain in my life right there in the middle of my chest. It felt like a semi-truck was driving over me! I could barely speak. The technician was monitoring my blood pressure and telling the doctor how high it was. (Odd that he was present. Isn't it?) He came over and stared at me for a while while checking the print out of the EKG. He told me it was almost over with. It seemed like forever, but apparently it was only 6 minutes. He left after that.

Elizabeth age 60

The technician disconnected everything but kept monitoring my blood pressure. She said it was very high, one of the highest she had ever seen, and she would have to stay with me until it returned to normal. An hour passed by. She told me she had other appointments and they were all on hold but she would have to release me even though my blood pressure was still high. So, I went home and relaxed as she told me to do.

(Note: my blood pressure is normally about 120 over 80 and only rises when I'm in severe pain.)

I found out the name of the medicine that had been injected into me. It is called Adenosine. I have never agreed to take that test again.

I have written about all this because an elderly man I know recently had the same test. I worried about him. He is a previous lung cancer patient and only has one lung. I thought for sure, it would not only be stressful to have that test, but it might put him in the hospital. How could someone at his age and medical condition go through that? I told him of my experience. He reassured me that the doctor had told him it was a simple procedure and he would be able to drive himself home afterwards.

I am stymied. It's true. My friend had no problems with the test at all. I know that the kind of symptoms I had are pretty common. But, not nearly as intense as what I had, especially with the blood pressure being the way it was.

Still, I will never consent to this test again, and I have listed Adenosine in my medical records as a drug I am allergic to.

Does Leukemia Run in Families?

1918
Myron Rockwell Borden
and son Alvin

Last night I had a vivid dream that I was having a discussion with a doctor about my leukemia. He was asking about family history of diseases and conditions. Instead of answering with the usual, Hypertension, stroke, Hereditary Multiple Exostoses (osteochondromas) and my history of the bone cancer, chondrosarcoma, I said, "I have a cousin who also had leukemia.

The dream, as short as it was, awoke me with such a strong impression. It felt like an "ah ha" moment.

Yes, it's true. I do have another family member who had Leukemia. Is it coincidence? Or is there a familial link?

Within the Leukemia support groups I participate, there are quite a few people who have mentioned having other family members with the diagnosis. When I spoke to my doctor about this, he didn't think it was possible.

Of course, I spent way too much time today researching the family line to discover if others had a leukemia history. But, I got waylaid by finding there is a propensity for another kind of issue. I don't need to go into that right now, though.

Doing genealogy research on the internet, trying to connect a family name, and the names of descendant surnames to obituaries that include the word "leukemia" is very intensive.

However, I did happen across an article, Leukemia Predisposition Gene Discovered 

There is also this article:

Shall I copy these articles and give them to my doctor?

I have had my genome looked at by a company called 23andme. And as a matter of fact they apparently are looking for those who have a propensity for leukemia.

Guess what?

According to them, I have a higher chance of having Lymphoma!!! Go figure.

They can only test my maternal heritability so if they find this GATA2 gene in me, it will be from my mother's side.

I'm putting this information on here just in case there is another person related to me that has leukemia. (or chondrosarcoma).

The direct line ancestors of my cousin and I are:

Myron Rockwell Borden born Chatham, Tioga county, Pennsylvania
Alvin Borden
Ansel Borden
Seldon Borden
Samuel Borden
and so on back to the progenitor, Richard.

1960 Alvin, Velva & Lois  Borden

Anyone who does genealogy will know what all that means.

But, my closest concern regarding connection, comes from those descended from Myron, Alvin, Ansel and Seldon.

There are a lot of mother surnames I have left out, and for reasons of privacy I have not named the descendants living today.

Please don't hesitate to contact me, though, if you think you might be related to this line. You can either share in the comments or send me a personal email elizablest at gmail

My Best Friend Forever

Linda while pregnant with Andrea.
 You can see her joyous glow.

My best friend,  Linda Watkins, would have celebrated her 63rd birthday this month. I believe on the 24th. But, she died of cancer close to her birthday in 1982 about the age 33. When we first met in 1974, I had just moved into a small house in El Monte, California. We hit it off right away. She was my neighbor.

Linda has a very great sense of humor. She could always find something funny to joke about, even at the most serious of times. She had such a cheerful disposition and never allowed herself to be depressed or miserable for any length of time. She was also a very strong minded individual and never let anyone push her around. She had a very firm belief system and some of her values were immovable.

If ever too opposites attracted it was my friend Linda and I.

She had a darling little baby girl, named Andrea, who must be in her thirties now, or perhaps forty. Linda’s mother Millie/Tillie called on the phone every day, and asked, “how’s my baby?”. She didn’t mean Linda. She meant Andrea. It was funny at first, but then one day Linda, feeling a little possessive, responded with, “She’s not YOUR baby, she’s mine! I am your baby, and I am doing fine!”  The reason I refer to Mrs. Duran as Millie/Tillie is because her name was Mildred and went by Millie at one time in her life. But, before Linda introduced us, she insisted that I call her Tillie. I never learned why. Perhaps it was a private joke between mother and daughter?

Look at the joy on those faces!

Linda was approximately my height, 5‘ 2“. When we first met, we were the same weight, but from that point on she lost weight and I gained. Sometimes it was the other way around, a running joke with us. Still both of us were more plump than we thought we should be. I look back and see we wasted a lot of time worrying about our figures.  She was of Mexican-American ancestry, though if anyone ever asked if she was Mexican, she firmly replied, “I’m American!”  With the Watkins last name, and no accent, no one dared to ask further.

Linda had sparkling brown eyes that showed her inner attitude that life was fun. She had naturally tan skin, but every summer we laid out under the sun to get more tan! I always ended up with sunburn. Her complexion was clear. She had perfectly arched eyebrows and a lovely face that most women would envy. She had what my mother called, “beauty marks”.  Linda called them moles. But, they were not moles in my opinion. They were flat. They were beauty marks. She didn't like them much and always said someday she wanted them removed. Linda had naturally curly, thick black hair. She always made an effort with her appearance. Where I would toss on a pair of jeans and t-shirt. She might do the same, but she accessorized. She took the time and trouble to put on her makeup and wear nice shoes. She carried herself better than I. I’m somewhat of a slouch. Even when she was casual, she still appeared neat and fashionable. And I admired her for that.

Even though we were best friends, I didn't know she had cancer until just a few weeks before she died.  I remember a year before, she hinted around, but I didn't get it. She asked some medical questions, which now I understand were directly related to her symptoms.

Was keeping her secret part of her keeping a positive attitude? Did she not want to share her situation with me? Truly, I was very hurt, and tremendously suffered grief when she died. Would it have been different, if we had shared the burden? If I could have supported her through her ordeal?

I look at this picture now. Linda and her two daughters, Andrea and Marcee. I can see it on her face. She already knew she had cancer at that time. I'm sure of it. Her smile is not entirely lit up the way it was before.

Linda didn't have Leukemia like I have now.. Those couple weeks before she died, when she did share with me, she waffled about what her diagnosis was. There was a terrible new cancer that no one had ever heard of at the time that was killing gay men by the hundreds. She referred to it often, but we laughed about it. After all she was not a gay man. Is it possible she was one of the first women to have HIV-AIDS? I used to think that maybe it was her moles. I knew there is a kind of cancer a woman can have where a mole is in the womb while she is pregnant. But, I have since learned that a living baby is not produced, and Linda had Marcee just two years before she died. I suppose I will never know. I guess it doesn't matter what kind of cancer it was. She's gone and there is still a great big hole in my heart that my best friend used to fill with laughter.

PLEASE! If you are going through diagnosis of cancer of any sort, find a way to share with your loved ones what is going on with you. Yes, it might upset them. Yes, they might cry. Yes, they might go into denial. We all do that sometimes. But, give them a chance to be with you on your cancer journey. PLEASE don't go it alone.

Elusive Happiness

Photo by Elizabeth Munroz

What ever happened to happily ever after? That was all hype, like Santa Claus, Leprechauns, the Tooth Fairy, and all that other bunch of lies that were perpetrated upon us as kids. There ought to be a Law!!!

Really... I think happiness is what we make it.

As the Buddhists say, one of the first truths is that we all have suffering, none can escape it. Once that sinks in, we can work from it, or around it or with it, or whatever. The Buddhists also say that the one thing in life that is constant is change.

My life often seemed as though it had all been one big dark pit of suffering. Truly, a lot of it I brought on myself by my attitude towards things. At the time I didn't know any better. How could I cope if no one I knew had the skills to be an example to me? I guess I could say I came from a dysfunctional family. But, how were they to know, either, if they were brought up when times were so challenging all you could think about was where the next meal would come from.

The person I am today is not who I once was. Somewhere along the way I learned that happiness is not meant to be a permanent condition. What a shock when I found that out! I thought I had been missing out on something everyone else had.

I think it's a good thing we don't have an abundance of joy. We would get bored with it. Don't you think? In order to appreciate happiness, thrill to it, we must be deprived of it, before it fills us to overflowing. (Shades of "My Cup Runneth Over").

Photo Art by Elizabeth Munroz

It's funny how the littlest things make me happy now, that I never even considered worthy of the appellation. Simply watching what's going on around me without judging it, for example. When I'm down, I might just make myself smile. At first, it makes me feel a fake happiness that catches on and becomes real the more I do it. Perhaps the body, the mind, the spirit needs reminding? Sounds crazy I know, but I am probably somewhat that, too. Psychiatrists say that everyone has a bit of neurosis. Yes?

Then, of course, there's Chocolate Happiness!  'Nuf said on that one.

I'm of a believer in the concept of destiny. Not that we are pawns of it, but that we have opportunity to enhance life and challenge us to become the best we can be. Naturally we do not live the perfect path, but some acceptance of the painful things sure goes a long way for making life easier.

When I look back, I can see that so many things I previously considered disastrous in my life were actually good things. While I was going through challenges and difficulties, even of the worst kind, I clung to the "woe is me" sentiment. I sometimes felt victimized and helpless. I tolerated those situations way too long before setting myself free. Often this occurred in a very traumatic way, as I went through it all in a most negative attitude. "Oh, poor me. Life is hard. Other people have it so easy. No wonder they are happy." Life might have been easier had I not looked at life from such a viewpoint.

Photo by Elizabeth Munroz

Yet, today, looking at my experiences, I do not regret a single moment of it. Lessons were to be learned. Understanding needed to be gained. Everyone goes through it. If I had clung to what I thought was going to bring me happiness, I never would have been able to face today. It is all the more precious!

All this brings me deep in my soul, healing and satisfaction beyond mere happiness. I find that I can accept the things that happen in my life. I am aware of the attitudes I had about them in the past. I feel it brings me a compassionate heart that opens to heartfelt pain and full love for others I have never met. See what I mean?

I had cancer, and many disfiguring surgeries. I had marriages that failed. Children lost to me. Friends who couldn't deal with illness. I suffered and had such a negative attitude about it for years. Yet, it has all made me the person I am today. Way stronger of an individual than I ever could have dreamed of being without it. Dealing with Leukemia, even the so-called easy kind is my permanent future. I'm not pretending to be a positive thinker. I just take one day at a time, and thank science for having a chemo pill I can pop every day so that my cancer is controlled. Sure, there are side effects, and I don't always feel well, going to the doctor is a regular part of my life. It is what it is. Some days are worse than others. But, I make the best of it.

I know not everyone looks at things this way. But this is my take on it, and it makes me happy.

Hanging in There

Sometimes life gives you what you think is more than you can handle.
But, try running away from it and it just follows you.
Hide from it and it will find you.

What we are supposed to face, will face us off, unless we will turn to it, embrace it and heal ourselves of our fear and ignorance.

And, of course, it will come back just to test you again, later to remind you to "Hang in There".

~~~ Elizabeth Munroz