Binge and Fire Doctor

Chloe has gained fifteen pounds since her surgery last August. That discourages her a little bit. But what's really disappointing for her is her ankle still is not strong enough for her to attend dance classes without major suffering and swelling. She is beginning to realize that because she has the multiple bone tumors, she may never be able to perform like the other girls. It breaks my heart. I just wish she would put all her efforts into voice and instrument. She is so good at those, especially voice.

The binge eating study at Stanford accepted me as I qualify as a binge eater. (Well, Duh!). I start next Tuesday for 12 weeks. They have decided to put me in with the ones who are "emotional eaters". 

 

I told them I actually have been listing what I'm eating and lost a few pounds. But, I'm eating what I want (and gained back some). I asked them if it was against the study rules. They said no. I really feel weird about this! I had a lot of stress with Kats here last weekend. Nothing unusual, it's just normal for me when inter-relating with another person, including Monday when Xavier came to visit. 

 

Kats supports me regardless of what I eat or don't eat, and never says a word about my ordering dessert (unless he's short of cash). Xavier, on the other hand, has become a vegetarian (except fish) and lectures me about what's good to eat and what's not. Though, he doesn't condemn. I have to laugh because he believes the best source of protein is nuts and when I tell him they are high fat, he rationalizes by saying they are not "transfat". We ate two huge salads that day. I love salad (now that my mouth is healed enough to eat them) but I still want my mac and cheese and my bread, and muffins, and.... 

It's gonna be interesting to see how all this works.

I might be crazy to do this, but I registered for college, and will be taking a creative writing class this semester. My shrink heartily approves and I'm having panic attacks over it, realizing maybe I can only do so much multi-tasking. But, I really want this more than anything!

I fired my new doctor (Taylor) today. He has ordered tests every time I've seen him. He has repeatedly said he wanted me to do a cardiac stress test. I told him I cannot do the fast walking required due to my pelvis AND I told him that the last time I had the lie down kind where they inject you with a medicine, I had a horrible experience, SEVERE pain and blood pressure that shot up through the roof and I would NOT submit myself to such a test again. Horrifying! 

 

Each appointment he would suggest it again and each time I explained I was NOT going to do it. The other day I went to see him for follow up on blood tests, and he tried again. This time he said it was not the same as before, that I only needed to lie on a table and it would be like a scan, called Lexiscan. I asked what medicine is injected. He said "just an isotope". I asked what it's called. He said Lexiscan. He even took me into the room where he has his own private scanner. It looked just like a cat scanner. So, I said, okay. Scan was scheduled for Friday. 

 

Last night I looked up Lexiscan. Guess what! it is the same medicine that I had the bad reaction from. The doctor is either a liar or he is just plain stoopid! I was so angry! When I made the appointment for the scan I was given a paper and signed it saying if I had to cancel the scan I had to notify them within 48 hours otherwise I would be charged 130 dollars. So, I'm looking at the clock and calendar in the middle of the night and realizing I better get with it. I wrote a letter, posted it on the blog for evidence, copied to facebook and then put it in an envelope and drove over to his office. 

 

Oh... forgot to mention that I called his office and there is no way you can leave a message except for the doctor on call. I did leave the message saying I found out about the medicine and I was cancelling my appt and apologizing to the doctor on call for bothering him/her. However, I thought i better play it safe and I took the letter to the office, found the mail slot in the door and put it through. It caught on the leg of a chair. So, when I woke up in the morning (how in the world did I sleep?) I called the office and got one idiot after another who didn't know what I was talking about.

 

Finally... finally! I talk with the office manager who tells me she wont charge me for breaking the appointment and apologizes profusely on behalf of the doctor (sounds like she is used to this). By the time I explained how I didn't trust him, I realized I was not going back to him and told her I wanted copies of my records. 

 

"We send your records to your next doctor". Nope, I tell her, I get the records. "We have to charge you for that" Fine I tell her. I keep my own records. If you knew my history you would understand why. (BTW she's got my records right in front of her) She tries to talk me into seeing one of their other doctors, but finally says she will mail me my records. 

I'm too annoyed to write any more. I have some ice cream that deserves my full attention!