Celebration of Death

This evening I've learned of the death of a friend. She "passed with grace and dignity" said her nurse. "She finally got her wings" her sister reported.

Digital Art by Elizabeth Munroz

Her name was Jill. She had Chondrosarcoma, a very rare form of bone cancer. It is not related to Leukemia. At least that's what the scientists say. Though it's proven there are a few genetic mutations in common.

I once had Chondrosarcoma more than forty years ago, and struggled with recurrences for many years before I was free of it. The fact that I have Leukemia now is just a coincidence. They say. I wonder if twenty years down the tunnel of time, they might say something different.

When I think of Jill, I cry. Of course. How is it I survived and she didn't? I had a lot of major surgeries to remove bones from my body, including partial amputation of the pelvis. Jill had a lot of major surgeries, that removed bones from her body, which included removal of an arm and her scapula.

As a child, I always thought the scapula bones were indicative of where we would grow our wings out when we became angels.When Jill's sister said she finally got her wings, I imagined her Chondrosarcoma cancer ridden scapula suddenly free of disease and back in her body all healthy and glowing as her wings formed. And she flew away free with great joy, celebrating her death.

Digital Art by Elizabeth Munroz

Perhaps it's a childish  whim of me to think that way. But, I don't care. It comforts me.

It also reinforces my belief that life is precious and should be enjoyed to the best of our abilities.

As a society, in general, we don't celebrate death. But when those who stare death in the face with cancer suddenly it hits home to those of us who love them, to celebrate life, at least for their sake.

So, tonight, though I cry with sadness knowing that Jill suffered the last stages of Chondrosarcoma metastasized to her lungs, I'm grateful to know she was able to die with grace and dignity. And so, I will celebrate life with appreciation and in Jill's memory.

If my Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia brings upon the cause of my own death, may I handle it with grace and dignity. Let me go quietly and peacefully. Whether alone or with someone holding my hand, it doesn't matter to me. Those who have gone before me will be there to take my hand. I believe in that possibility because of two previous Near Death Experiences.

Leukemia and Chondrosarcoma

First I'd like to clarify something right off the bat. There is NO KNOWN CONNECTION between Chondrosarcoma and Leukemia. It is just a coincidence of... what shall we call it? Fate, I guess, that I happen to now have Leukemia some forty plus years after first being diagnosed with the cartilage/bone cancer called Chondrosarcoma. So anybody reading this, get that idea out of your head. 

If by any chance you know of someone who has had another kind of cancer and then got Leukemia, it is usually because their previous cancer was treated with strong chemotherapy drugs or radiation. Those are suspected to be one of the "causes" of Leukemia. There are other factors why someone might get Leukemia, being exposed to certain carcinogenic toxic substances. Considering my long term exposure to the infamous Love Canal when I was a child, it is no surprise to me that I have this diagnosis. The picture of the x-ray is of my pelvis. The two places where the legs fit into the hips are not connected anymore. On the right side of the picture you will see part of the pelvic bones that are supposed to be present. Those are called the ischium and the pubic ramus. The ischium is the "sitting" bone. If you look at the left side of the picture, you will see that the pubic ramus and ischium are missing. I believe that officially makes me one of those "half-assed" persons you are always hearing about. Eh?

The reason that portion of bone is missing is because chondrosarcoma tumor was attached and growing there. The only treatment for chondrosarcoma is surgery. A long time ago the only surgical treatment available would have been total amputation of that half of the pelvis and including the leg. That's called a hemipelvectomy. But, my doctor had some advanced training and saved my leg. 

NOTE: As of May 26 2014 I have learned something new... it looks sort of like there is a connection somehow between leukemia and chondrosarcoma on a genetic level. I don't mean on the genes you inherit, but genes within chondrosarcoma tumor. I do not understand the science well enough yet, to explain it. But am consulting with the researchers who published about it so that I can learn... if they will correspond with me about it.

My Chondrosarcoma-less Pelvis

Very Special Friends - Chondrosarcoma

These collages are from photos I've received over the years from other people who have dealt with Chondrosarcoma, the same cartilage type of bone cancer from which I was diagnosed as a young woman. Though the survival rate for chondrosarcoma is supposed to be quite good, more people on these posters are gone than I want. Some of them are strong survivors who have amazing stories. I feel so privileged to know (or have known) these beautiful intrepid souls.

Survival Happens!

This is on my key chain. My sister gave it to me quite a few years ago. She is a professional masseuse, and was working in a chiropractor's office where these plastic skeletal spine with pelvis were available for patients if they wanted them. 

The part that is painted red is the part of my pelvis that was surgically removed in 1968 due to a rare bone cancer called chondrosarcoma. I carry the key chain with me to show to new medical personnel in order to explain part of my medical history. It clarifies the extent of my internal hemipelvectomy. I keep it clipped onto my purse. Sometimes, just in the normal aspects of life, someone will notice it and comment on it. I take that as an opportunity to give a short message. I survived cancer when it was believed I would not survive. I want others to know to not give up hope. If they, or someone they love, gets a diagnosis of cancer, it doesn't mean the end of life.