Trying to Stay Positive with Pills

For the most part, I think of myself as handling the fact that I have leukemia just fine. I don't give it much thought. It's not always on my mind. But, today is a different story.

I have "forgotten" to take my pills regularly lately. I know part of it is stress. When I get stressed I can't think straight. First, I am focused on the problem at hand and I forget to eat, therefore I forget to take my seizure medicine. Then I end up with a seizure or two.

Don't worry, I don't have the kind where you fall crashing to the floor. But, just spacing out can knock down my ability to follow through on things. So, once I have the seizure, I forget that there is anything important to do. (like take my meds!) It's actually nice in a way. I just feel so pleasantly spaced out and unaware... kind of dreamy... sort of like a short trip to LaLaLand. Even after the "trip" is over, it's not over, because I don't just return to whatever it was I was doing with the same intent of purpose as before. Oh, I'm not mindless. I just don't care. If someone reminds me, "did you eat? did you take pills?" I'm on track.

To complicate matters is the ongoing nausea from the chemo pill... Dasatinib/Sprycel. So, if I am feeling nauseated, I don't eat. If I don't eat, I don't want to take pills, any pills, on an empty stomach. Because of the chemo pill, I can't take the typical tummy relief pills other people take. So, basically I just have to live with it and do what millions of people have done forever. Live with it the best I can. It's obvious to me that this is part of the problem of why I "forget" to take my pills.

Seems to me there is a subconscious aversion to taking the chemo pill, because the resulting nausea is unpleasant. But, here I am without adequate intake of my seizure med, which triggers more issues. Part of the problem has been recently resolved, though. I now have a prescription for a dissolvable version of my seizure med.

But, here I sit today, feeling sorry for myself. I know I MUST take the seizure medicine. It's in my hand but just the idea of putting that sweet thing on my tongue to suck on it until it is absorbed makes me want to hurl. Hmm... I wonder if there's a suppository.

Needless to say, it's hard to stay positive today.

Beaten Down By Medical Diagnoses?

I visited my Rhematologist yesterday. We had a very interesting conversation revolving around the fact that I seem to be "blessed" with a myriad of medical diagnoses. And how interesting it is that others seem to not have medical problems at all. The reality for me is that I'd rather have what I have regardless of the seriousness of it, because I "know the enemy" and have embraced it. This doesn't mean I like having Leukemia or any other medical issues I face. It means I've accept that these are that which I carry around with me day to day. I could carry these burdens and look at them as a horrible threatening weight bearing down on my shoulders. Or I could educate myself carefully about each and every one so that I have a clearer picture of what I am dealing with. Truly this lightens the load.

Near the bridge in a beautiful small town in Vermont. I don't remember the name.

If I look at a diagnosis as an entitity in it's own being, so to speak, I can respect it, respect the possible power it could have over my life and respect that it needs addressing instead of ignoring and letting it weaken my resolve to have a good life.

First and foremost, if you are going to respect your condition, you have to know more than the name. Do you know the name: Do you know the other possible names? Do you know the history of the disease? The way it can affect people? Knowledge is power. Knowing all aspects of your diagnosis, even the scary parts that everyone would rather not think about, is of prime importance. If you know that your condition could lead to death, then keeping yourself in ignorance about the symptoms that could lead up to an untimely death would end in a shock and surprise. Denying the possibility and pretending that keeping a positive mind set is fine, But it does not prepare you to take care of yourself when things get worse.

Educate yourself. Know who the enemy is. Make him your friend. Learn everything you can to make yourself familiar with how your body is affected by the condition and keep watch over yourself. Take care of your health as if you were taking care of your most precious infant.

Knowlege is Power. Empower Yourself!