Trying to Stay Positive with Pills

For the most part, I think of myself as handling the fact that I have leukemia just fine. I don't give it much thought. It's not always on my mind. But, today is a different story.

I have "forgotten" to take my pills regularly lately. I know part of it is stress. When I get stressed I can't think straight. First, I am focused on the problem at hand and I forget to eat, therefore I forget to take my seizure medicine. Then I end up with a seizure or two.

Don't worry, I don't have the kind where you fall crashing to the floor. But, just spacing out can knock down my ability to follow through on things. So, once I have the seizure, I forget that there is anything important to do. (like take my meds!) It's actually nice in a way. I just feel so pleasantly spaced out and unaware... kind of dreamy... sort of like a short trip to LaLaLand. Even after the "trip" is over, it's not over, because I don't just return to whatever it was I was doing with the same intent of purpose as before. Oh, I'm not mindless. I just don't care. If someone reminds me, "did you eat? did you take pills?" I'm on track.

To complicate matters is the ongoing nausea from the chemo pill... Dasatinib/Sprycel. So, if I am feeling nauseated, I don't eat. If I don't eat, I don't want to take pills, any pills, on an empty stomach. Because of the chemo pill, I can't take the typical tummy relief pills other people take. So, basically I just have to live with it and do what millions of people have done forever. Live with it the best I can. It's obvious to me that this is part of the problem of why I "forget" to take my pills.

Seems to me there is a subconscious aversion to taking the chemo pill, because the resulting nausea is unpleasant. But, here I am without adequate intake of my seizure med, which triggers more issues. Part of the problem has been recently resolved, though. I now have a prescription for a dissolvable version of my seizure med.

But, here I sit today, feeling sorry for myself. I know I MUST take the seizure medicine. It's in my hand but just the idea of putting that sweet thing on my tongue to suck on it until it is absorbed makes me want to hurl. Hmm... I wonder if there's a suppository.

Needless to say, it's hard to stay positive today.

Enough is Enough!!!

Laurie called me last night. Her 13 year old daughter, Chloe had passed out and then went into a seizure. (She's never had one before).

Chloe is a twin to Rose. She is the one who performs, dances, sings. Quite talented, I think. Rose is the Geek Girl in the family.

Lucky that Laurie is a nurse. Her middle son, Justin lives at her house with his wife and three kids because his landlord's house got repossessed and they had to hurry and get out.

Justin is a paramedic. He took care of Chloe until the ambulance arrived. They took her to the nearest hospital. But, when they discovered her white blood count was very very high, they sent her to a bigger hospital. They did a lot of tests on her, including a spinal tap. I was pretty worried she might have Leukemia. She had no fever and it didn't appear she had any infection.

They put her in a room by herself and Laurie stayed overnight with her. The next day (today), she had scans and EKG and EEG. The doctor never came in until this evening to tell the results.

Chloe has an infection in her sinuses and she now is taking antibiotics.

I find it interesting to realize that one can be that sick and not run a temperature beyond 99 degrees.

I didn't feel well myself and probably a good thing otherwise I would have gotten stressed out. Being sick and lowly has it's advantages, I suppose. I had all I could do just to take care of myself. I think it is left over feeling druggy from the Abilify. Though, I did not take any today. I think I will wait til Monday and give a call to the doctor and ask if I can take it at bedtime instead of morning.